Back to write, rant, talk and b****. :D

I have indeed left the cyberworld writing for 2 years now since my last update was in 2010. I thought of giving up this whole blog, but then again, I find it a waste since I do need a place at times to write out my opinions and life. And what more when I have ample of time to do so now since I have completed one h** of a certificate in my career. Wooot! So yes.. :) I am back!

Ladies Only At All Times

Last weekend, after almost a year of not taking the KTM, a couple of my friends and I decided to take this mode of transport to KLCC. You might have read that the management has upgrade their service in providing a 'Ladies Only' coach for.. ladies only, which in my opinion, is a good move since based on my experience..

1. There are many pickpockets around

2. Ladies carry huge bags for Gawd knows what reason which make it easier for pickpockets to proceed their daily job

3. There are men (sorry to all men out there) who have intimidating looks and eyes which as though has a natural built in CT scan when it comes to looking at ladies

4. Some of them take an 'affectionate' action in showing their appreciation for their little dolly preys by touching them without permission

5. Many more pinched, grabbed, slapped etc for the sheer pleasure on those little dollies

6. It's just not safe

And it turns out.. It was a good ride to and fro since the coach will have less people and us, ladies tend to be more courteous as we allow people to leave the coach before entering. There was no pushing, no long legs stretched out between the aisle and no bad smell of tabacco around. Instead, there are sounds of tiny girlish laughters, giggles, tinklings of bells from their handphone accessory and of course a pleasant arrays of bright coloured apparels adorned by the ladies. Not that I am abnormal, but I was actually busy checking out each and every lady in the coach for their shoes and bags at ease (I even spotted two pairs of Niccis!).

However, even when there were 5 languages used in conveying the message that the coach is only for ladies, there are some ignorant men who still get on it. On the trip to KL Sentral, an officer would be busy instructing all the men to leave the coach at every stop. But sadly, this experience did not last when we took our KTM home to Seremban as a few would just look away awkwardly whenever we gave them the stare as they strode in with a confidence that we knew is as fragile as glass. But, you wonder why. I guess they..

1. Are blind

2.Think that we are blind

3. Are illiterate (which is the case of one foreign man)

4. Are just plain ignorant

So there goes the 3 periods of Civic studies for our dear Malaysian students. You got to applaud them for being that thick a skin. If I was stuck in an 'All Men' coach or something.. I might have hid myself under one of those chairs in any corner available. Then again,what are the odds of that happening?

But then again.. is it fair for the ladies to get such a privilege??

Alive and Kicking

Okay, so I have been dead for the past couple of months. But now, I guess, I am back for good. =)

There are stuff worth mentioning now that my brain cells start to function after a bizzare shut down (the maintenance had a whopping RM5000++ expenditure of self fulfillment from head to toe.. inside to the outside.. erm.. not quite what one might think of.. but oh well.. tee hee!!!!)

First up, the school is drawing to an end. Another 3 days and it will be bye bye 2009 school days and hola to 2010. This also means that I have worked for a year (almost) and.. apocalypse has still not dawn on me though I do sometimes think of what the heck am I doing when my kids just love to have the war-of-mouth with me. But then again, will you get shock when some of them (their friends, not them. They have the ultimate ego as huge as the air that they are breathing but ironically the oppposite of their brain matter) had a very very VERY regretful look when they got back their final term examination papers. Well, let's hope that these faces last till January 4th 2010.

Speaking of which, I am dying to watch 2012. I tried to buy tickets last weekend in my hometown only to have every available time fully booked; both Saturdays and Sundays!! Dang! Now that is the kind of trauma when it has been a long time since you last step into the theatre hall only to have other people feeling and thinking of the same thing as you do. After all, for the past few months, there weren;t any good movies on the silver screen which you don't mind paying RM10 / RM 12 for it. Since... hmm.. Ah yes. Harry Potter which... did not really awed me in any manner actually. So anyway, I shall try again this sat to get the tics.

Oh! Guess what? Ok.. this probably sounds jakun but my hometown has now its very own drive through KFC building. BUILDING!! Not a shoplot in some kind of supermarket or across the street with limited parking space BUT its very own building and somewhat a parking compound. Though, I predict the town will be massively congested now since it is right in the heart of the city. But hey! It's a drive through! How wonderful! la~la~la

Holidays are coming and thank goodness, I am not invigilating this year. I am waiting for my application letter for admission to furthering my studies which gawd knows when it will arrive. Hopefully soon. Gosh, when will people learn to be more efficient?

It has been raining like cats and dogs for the past few days and my~ I love rain!! I love the sound of it on my car, I love the sound of it splashing on my window, I love the cool weather to sleep in the night! Love it love it love!! But one man's meat is another man's poison. Most people i know dislike it. There will be flood, the clothes wont get dry, they can't do their chores, Pasar malam uncles wont have business, ice cream man will have to work in some other jobs etc etc etc. Hmmm.. If only the weather is alternate. One day sunny and the next day rainy. Haha! That might solve many issue, right? Haha!!!

Rebound (Cleaning out my closet)

Today is exactly one month since HE said those hurtful words in breaking up what I thought was the perfect future I would have. As an excuse for HIS change in feelings, he pointed the finger on me by saying I did not give him the attention he once had and needed. There was no clue, no sign, no warning for HIS sudden change of behaviour.



Being the first relationship, I thought my story would be exactly like how my parents' and my brother's will be. Ending up in the registrar and Dinner Reception was part of my plan for the future. In fact, it was also presumably my future-in-laws' plan as they had came and discussed where were w-e to go from now. And this future was 3 years from the present; or so I thought. I have even planned for financial allocation as well as job transition when that day comes.



I guess, I was working too far towards this ideal future that I did not look at the present. I thought our trust and foundation was stable enough for me to focus entirely on my baby-step career and education status. I thought we will make it through, but HE abondoned this vision for THE new girl.



The past whole month was truly a test of who am I emotionally. I always thought I was strong. I always thought I was practical and rationale. I could carry myself well and am just and fair when it comes to handling various situations. But, I guess I am still a normal girl who is very much affected emotionally. And the amount of hurt, tears and questions that exhaust the soul off me is the prove for it.



Throughout the month, questions raised in my head. Why, How, When. Then, there were family's opinions in this issue. They supported me (even my 3 year old nephew) but give reasons which are quite useless now in stepping HIM down further as a Man. Friends were there as well, especially when I had to face the cruel truth that this year's celebration of my existence in this world will be a down and trodden one. They dragged me up as I emotionally refused to stand and shook me with words to prove who I used to be and can be. Colleagues whom I have just made acquaintances with became a source of wise words from the viewpoint of the experienced. With these three groups of people around to give me the push, I have finally rebounded from where I fell and now it is time to look at where am I and where have I stopped before taking anymore steps forward.



I need to analyse the path which I want to take now that I am running alone. Indeed, I am free as I can choose the path for myself. I am now able to revive as the girl before I met HIM whom I have kept in the closet because of the commitment from my part.

My gratitude to my family, friends and colleagues are the source of energy for me to move on. I have learnt to bestrong not only for myself but also as a show of appreciation for those who have come this far in supporting me. And as I close this chapter of my life in an attempt to forget and let it go, I will always carry the swelling scar with me. It might heal one day, it might not. Till that day comes, I know that the scar not only will remind me of the pain that I went through during the fall but also the overwhelming support I have received which was much more than I have expected.

I thank everyone who have touched my heart in that manner. Good people will one day be awarded. And it is not everyday you meet good people, especially where our world is becoming more and more cruel both socially and humanely these days.

p/s: Woohoo!! PC FAIR next weekend.. time to buy a new HD..

Wo men de ai

回憶裡想起模糊的小時候雲朵漂浮在藍藍的天空那時的你說　要跟我手牽手一起走到時間的盡頭從此以後我都不敢抬頭看彷彿我的天空失去了顏色從那一天起　我忘記了呼吸眼淚啊永遠不再　不再哭泣我們的愛　過了就不再回來直到現在　我還默默的等待我們的愛　我明白　已變成你的負擔只是永遠　我都放不開　最後的溫暖啊　你給的溫暖從此以後我都不敢抬頭看彷彿我的天空失去了顏色從那一天起　我忘記了呼吸眼淚啊永遠不再　不再哭泣我們的愛　過了就不再回來直到現在　我還默默的等待我們的愛　我明白　已變成你的負擔只是永遠　我都放不開　最後的溫暖啊　你給的溫暖不要再問你是否愛我現在我想要自由天空遠離開這被綑綁的世界不再寂寞我們的愛　過了就不再回來直到現在　我還默默的等待我們的愛　我明白　已變成你的負擔只是永遠　我都放不開　最後的溫暖啊　你給的溫暖

I recall memories of our past,Where the clouds were all across the blue sky,And you promised that you would hold my hand,Till the end of time.Since then I didn't dare to lift my head with confidence,It seemed as if the sky had faded,Since then I lost my breath,My tears stopped flowing from then on, forever.Our love Can't return after it's goneTill now I waited in silenceOur love I knew, had become your burden,But I just can't let go the last heartfelt warmth,yours. I won't ask if you still love me,As all I need is the freedom of the sky,Leaving this world of sorrow,Never lonely again.Our love Can't return after it's goneTill now I waited in silenceOur love I knew, had become your burden,But I just can't let go the last heartfelt warmth of yours.

How can you be so heartless? for giving me a 'present' near my birthday which made me cry since 2 weeks ago? Of a third party coming between us?

Through the eyes

Do you believe that life is like a ferris wheel? You will have ups and downs.. the funny part of it all is, when you are in the 'ups', Everything seems to go as perfect as you want it to be; you have friends, job, love, money, trust, fame and yada yada of all the things you want in the world. More than often not, you will be happy and feel secured with your life. You have the focus and you know what you want and where you stand. You are loud and boiterous when it comes to giving ideas or protecting yourself. You fear nothing and can only think of people to fear you.

However, when there is up, there will also be down. It's like the Yin and Yang theory. Everything must have the opposite aura to balance out nature and its way. Again, when you feel that your life is at the rock bottom; only a fine line from Hell, everything that you want to do just does not seem right. It is at this time, you feel that not even the 80 episodes of TVB drama will be more dramatic than your life.

Well, welcome to my state of mind at this moment.

A class of kids do not respect me; as a matter of fact, they don't respect any teachers to begin with. Yet, I have to look at their faces and TEACH them how to become human beings for 320 minutes each week. My friends are all away from me to rant and talk; even if they are near, everyone is facing the same thing so might as well just bottle it up and swallow deep into the core pit of my soul. I was told off in a school meeting (although I was absent but walls have ears; especially walls that are painted white and spells S-C-H-O-O-L on it) for not informing about my whereabouts when I went for a course as a REPRESENTATIVE right after the holidays which in ALL LOGICAL SENSE the person whom I took orders from should have done it. Besides, the place that I went did not have a phone line for my particular number. I have been working my a** of for almost 3 consecutive Sundays including this Sunday without stopping for a day of rest. And when I did get my rest, I was being told on that day that I did not give enough attention towards my the other well-being; which leads to a off-but-not-completely-off situation. My colleagues saw how I sulked the whole day; so much so that these cute uncles plan to buy me a face massager. One even wanted to be a masseuse for immediate medication at that moment which in a way did help liven up the mood though I did not realise how I sulked might have disturbed them. (Sorry for that!) My dad is warded today in IJN for a 'blow-balloon' session on his blood veins which are blocked. I lost my celcom broadband. My 80G external hard drive which consists of 2 years worth of overseas pictures (I don't go overseas to STUDY often so you can imagine how MASSIVE the collection might have been), Degree assignments and some songs is officially dead. No one can revive it; no one seem to be able to resurrect it.

I really wonder how low can it go from here.

I definitely need a saviour now even if he/she is dressed with a red cape and a noticable red underw***.

In fact, I don't mind any superheroes to come and sweep me off my feet though I already have 2 angels around me to guide me through some bumps within the mess I am facing. Remember, I am not in the right mind now. In fact, I am not me. This is the emotional me talking.

I have a strong feeling when the fog is cleared, and when I read back this post, it will be an entire different feeling towards the situations from my present emotions. I am waiting for that day to come.

If you can wait and not be tired of waiting - IF

Of how I ended up at the other side of the country

As the holidays are ending, you would have thought that lazing around at home and watching the tube may be the best way to pass the time since once school reopens, madness will be there to steal Time from you. But as I was planning out how I will spend my carefree weekends for the last time within the next three months, I have the sudden call that ended all.. a call that may be a blessing in disguise

19/6/2009
5.00am - Online in the morning to check on my mails and blogs of other people.
5.30am - Went offline to prepare myself for the interview in putrajay(a)
6.10am - Left home
7.40am - Shocked to see Vilo was with me in the waiting room and get this - the same waiting room for interview. Not bad huh? What are the odds? High school mates turned college/uni mates and now together going for interview
8.40am - Went in and just bang.
9.25am - Came out to have Vilo said ' You went in the longest!'
10.10am - Left Putrajay(a) after breifing Vilo what to expect from the lady behind the desk.
12.30pm - Was ....... about what happened in the room so told my mom we shall eat sushi for lunch.
12.50pm - What??!! So long a queue for sushi?? 10 years ago, genki sushi was set up in Sban and it was closed down! Head to Ipoh white coffee instead.
1.10pm - the sales guy who sells books to the teachers in my school (whom my colleagues are overexcitedly trying to set us up) said hi... to my mom before asking 'Oh? This is your daughter ya? The one who went overseas?'
1.12pm - I looked at my mom and said 'So, you told the world I am the daughter WHO went overseas? How many daughters do you have la?'
9.15pm - Watching TV.
9.25pm - Still watching TV.
9.31pm - Phone rang. Caller: My PK Koko.
9.55pm - Told to pack up my bag and leave for Tioman at 12am in the morning of the 15/6/2009 which I have used various reasons to push it away.

1. I dunno anything about Koko.
2. I have a lot of other pressing matters in school to do.
3. I dont see a letter. I need letter to move.

Overrule as it is an order. Saya yang mengikut perintah.

10.35pm - Still grumbling to my parents because I REALLY DID NOT WANT TO GO.
11.05pm - Can't sleep. I don't want to go but still have to go.